Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
