Apparently you make a good broom.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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