I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
