why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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