I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's never too late to be topless.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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