Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
