My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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