fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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