He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
