This is not my ceiling
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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