I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
