so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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