It was confusing and full of hummus
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
