I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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