Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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