Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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