Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
