I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
