if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
