I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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