I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
