Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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