I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
