when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
