finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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