Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
