My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
