cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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