So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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