dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
