She just used a chaser for red wine.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
