his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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