My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Is it penis luge time yet?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
