Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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