Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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