how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
