forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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