dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
