He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
