It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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