omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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