god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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