I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He better not be in your backpack
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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