bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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