OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
