Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
my liver is dry heaving
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
