It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
