i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
