my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
