Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
