You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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