Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
