I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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